Born HIV positive, Mutongi T. Kawara lost her parents to HIV/AIDS-related illness at an early age. From then onwards, she had to move into different relatives’ homes. There she was physically abused and constantly reminded through discriminatory comments that she wouldn’t have a future. This destroyed her will to live. Working with HIV-positive orphans who had a forward-thinking outlook on life sparked in her a purpose to start Mukundi, a safe and enabling environment for such children.
By Mutongi Kawara
Damn your Pity
The pitiful stares were the worst. It was as if pity was the best most of those around me could offer. At a young age when I was looking forward to completing my studies and could have used assistance with my tuition I was ‘graciously’ offered registration to a policy that meets funeral, burial and end-of-life expenses. In another rather memorable occurrence, when I was hoping for a hug from a relative, I received a look of sheer repulsion instead. I grew up as an orphan who was born HIV-positive.
By the age of 12, I had lost both parents to the same virus, and this had a significant impact on me. I may not have suffered much financially, but what slowly and steadily killed my spirit were the constant reminders from my extended family and others that death was the only next step in my story. A relative implied I was HIV positive because of promiscuity. Some indicated that there was no hope even if I was taking medication. Some “kindly” took me to spiritual healers.
The Silent Struggle: An Orphan’s Odyssey
Around the age of 13, I had to move away from the home I grew up in. I stayed at different relatives’ homes until a later time when I went to stay with my sister at the age of 15. In between all this movement, I was physically abused by two male relatives based on an archaic tradition meant to take advantage of girls and women under the guise of culture. Whenever they got the opportunity, they touched me inappropriately. It was the most violating and vile experience of my life. I knew it was wrong but could never speak out against it. The lasting impact is, that I do not particularly like being touched by anyone to this day.
Was this the price I had to pay for being taken care of as an orphan? If my parents were alive, would they allow me to be treated this way? or would they have sheltered me from it all? My father had always provided me with the best care and support, and in these moments, I felt the gap. I could not help but imagine that had my parents been alive, they would at least help with what I thought of then as a burden of the lifelong commitment of regularly taking antiretroviral treatment.
With all these experiences and thoughts weighing down on me, I stopped consistently taking my medication. This was not good for my health, and I started wasting away. I got so emaciated that none of my friends wanted to be associated with me. I was ready to just give up on everything. Though I never gathered enough strength to attempt suicide or even contemplate ways to do so, I was ready to die. I even prayed for it at some point. My sisters, aunts, and uncles who had always strived to be supportive came to my rescue and found me a private clinic that offers free medical services for people living with HIV. There I got into support groups with young people who were in even dire circumstances than I was.
A Glimpse of Hope: Volunteering for Change
This snapped me out of my self-pity and self-imposed misery. Slowly I started coming out of my shell. As I was looking for jobs and trying to get my life in order, a friend suggested that I should try voluntary work. This is when I decided to volunteer at a children’s home in my local community. The home was a shelter for children who had no one capable of providing care to them.
Seeing children who had accepted and embraced their different chronic illnesses and disabilities but still had high hopes for their lives, motivated me immensely. I did anything around the home, including helping the children with homework, cooking, laundry, and dishwashing. I also spent a lot of time just interacting with the children, playing and talking with them. Contributing to their well-being made me realize that I was not limited and that I was capable of meaningfully contributing to others regardless of my circumstances.
Rural Realities: Orphans Forgotten in the Hinterlands
Working in the rural community also opened my eyes to the lives of orphans in rural areas. They are just living day-to-day. Sad but hopeful for a better tomorrow.
In comparison to the orphans at the children’s home, the orphans I met in the rural areas are not placed in children’s homes. They do not have the promise that their meal is going to be provided for them or their school fees are going to be taken care of. They usually end up in child-headed families or under caregivers who sometimes abuse them. In most circumstances, these orphans are impoverished and therefore lack access to their basic needs.
Shona Wisdom: Guiding the Path Forward
Working at a former kanthari participant’s organization for close to 2 years in this rural community gave me in-depth insight into the lives of orphans. It ignited my passion and made me realize that I could make an impact in their lives just as I made contributions to the orphans at the children’s home. I want to provide a safe space for orphans and a supportive system that helps them grow in love and care.
“Nzombe huru yakabva mukurerwa,” is a Shona proverb that means great people are raised by other people. The question is, what happens to orphans who don’t have anyone to be raised by?
“nzou hairemerwe nenyanga dzayo” is another important proverb that means an individual is capable of carrying their own issues, their desires.
How can this be applied, if the foundation of trust is not available to orphans?
There are many Shona proverbs with deep meaning. To make them relevant, also to orphans, we implement them as a reference for the philosophy of Mukundi our future orphan village. In our orphanage, we will strive to develop skills and mindsets that help one navigate real-world complexities and we will foster unwavering and resilient individuals.
Learn more about the work of Mukundi here
Watch Mutongis’ kanthari TALK here Jump to Minute 05:06:50
If you, like Mutongi, carry a plan for social change, then the kanthari course might be the right place for you.
Check out the following webpage and apply today to become a participant: https://www.kanthari.org/admissions/
